decided to write

yeah.. its new year..2010.. and here i am.. writing..(typing) tapping on the keyboard..

2009.. let's talk about the past 2009 that just left about an hour ago.. 2009.. a lot of stuff happened in my life... i turn 21 in 2009.. i learn a lot... i get some stuff , i get to know new persons .. despite all this thing I think that it was a tough year... the most tough year ..

In March... I lost the one I love.. my Ipo Yam.. she's gone.. what a sad time ... but it is all God's will..our time together just end there.. alhamdulillah i have that chane to take care of her during she's ill.. that is one of the lesson i learn in 2009.. learn to accept when your loved one is no longer around.. Our family become stronger.. I will try to be a good daughter for my parents cos i know someday one of us will go first.. I don't want to live with regrets for not giving all your love to someone you love when there are still alive.. I still remember that I always wanted to buy her a scarf for her in kelantan.. but i always forgot about it.. Oh.. herm.... I miss her..

In June , I was separated from my family .. all alone in Kota Kinabalu for my practical..luckily k.wandy was there..living with all strangers.. one house.. three rooms.. one room for the landlord, my room.. me .. all alone.. the third room + living room that was crowded by a bunch of guys ( 8 guys I guess).hoho... there I learned 2 things.. first i learn how family and friends are important, 2nd .. that money is not everything but we better have it instead of having nothing.. During the holiday before the pratical , in November 2008 , i remembered my conversation with my mom in a cafe... I said that I wish I can join any University programme during holiday . but somehow.. maybe the way i said it hurts my mom.. as if "i don't like being at home or i wish i have more time in university".. then i guess Allah just makes my wish come true.. there you go Ain.. go to Sabah .. All alone.. during your Holiday.. hoho... like..i said to myself.. padan muka.. heaah..

July, August, September , October & a bit of November ....
i got a great crisis within my self .. There is a war going inside.. I almost lost my self... dead.. torchuring my mind, body and soul.. maybe this is because of the 21 years old thing... i just goes ding dong.. dissappointed with myself in my academic part , Lost faith with my self and some other people.. dying .. it was the most horrible terux period in 2009.. so kusut masai ... kesian my rumet.. have to face 'that' me... and also my friends... Alhamdulillah.. Allah shows me the way back.. and i am back.. i hope i will be a better person.. no more the july august september october & a bit of november 2009 nur ain othman... so gud bye.. I love Allah , Rasulullah , my family , my teachers , my friends..

perut yang bingung

sometimes i just feel something is disturbing. hoo.. i hardly express it. that something just stuck in my belly.. the words - they seems going to my perut instead of my mouth. oh my my... how hard for me to just say anything i would love to say.... hooh..~~

i have a dream..
that i will finish my thesis
and pass with flying colours
and graduated from usm
everything will start over new
the work phase..hoho
owh... what a wonderful dream it is
and i am still dreaming now..
haha.. i know i am progressing.. but slow and steady .. yeah!!
tarik nafas.. hembus tarik nafas hembus tarik nafas hembus... breathe baby breathe..

words you said

Wake up babe
The words they say were nothing
Don’t let it ruins your day
Those words will not hurt you
No… believe me..
You will be fine..
Words they say are based on their thought
Just lies on the way they think
It is not always right..
If it is right so learn how to accept it without getting your self cut
If it is wrong then just let it pass
Words they say, they hardly remember
How irresponsible they are of their words
And you yourself
Please don’t be like them
Think before you say your words
You might not love to hurt people in any way

grrrr.....

This is just something weird about my self and it is kind of freaking me out lately. It always happens that if I said to my self that I will not be a ………….. (any negative attitude on earth) .. person.I turn out to be one. For example, I tell my self not to be judgmental person and BAM!!! there I am judging another people passing by me. Hoh.. This is horrible and terrifying for me. What makes it worse is that the fact that I did not realize that I become one. I did not know when does it started to develop within me and that makes it hard for me to stop it.hoo…

There are a lot of things that I prefer not to be (e.g ungrateful child, annoying person , greedy etc) and the fact that this thing is happening to me makes me worry about how will things turn out in the future… or should I just make a reverse mechanism for this like instead of saying “I will not be a …….. (negative attitude) person” to “I am not going be …….. (any positive attitude on earth)” so that I develop the positive attitude without noticing it.erm.. Can it be?? Can this solve my little dilemma here?? Erm… lu pikirla sendiri!!! hoho

dolnat

walalalala... ok.. Im back!! Kelantan darul Naim.. herm.. The semester is not yet started but I come back here two weeks earlier to accomplish my unfinished work... My final year project. hoho... I really enjoyed my holiday . Before the holiday started the other day , I set up my mind that I will not do any of my academic activity at home.I want to spend my whole time with my family and me, doing the house chores.. lala... I like it . =)

these are some of the things i did..

1. laundry
2. cooking
3. tutoring Mr. apan.. he will be sitting for his SPM next year..
4. Watching Friends series with Urul
5. Learn on how to bake Kek Lapis Sarawak from Mak
6. Gardening ??
7. going on trip with my family - balik kampung saai , sarikei ,
8. Attending Seminar on Protecting Children in Cyberspace.

Nothing sounds interesting but everything is.. lalala... i really love to be with my family member... My mak and abu yah always cook special dishes when we (Apan, Urul, kak Tam) are at home because we are rarely there. Everyone of us are far apart from our house and of each other. Kak Tam is in UUM , Kedah , Urul is in UTP Perak , Me in USM Kelantan and the youngest , Apan is in MRSM Betong. We just have the chance to get to see each other during holiday. So our two beloved chef will cook extra delicious foods.nyum2..I can say that our favourite menu are laksa sarawak and chicken soup(my choice).Yummy... Plus Anjang Ara's ( my aunt) home-made doughnut. It is usually pronounced as Dolnat among elderly.hehe.. laughing with Urul about it. that's it.. dolnat.

huhu.. tak bosan..

Seringkali kita terdengar keluhan “oh bosannya hari ni.. tak tau nak buat apa, adoiyai!!”.Saya pun mengeluh perkara yang sama. Lagi-lagi pada tahun akhir saya bergelar pelajar patologi pertuturan ini.Hari-hari yang berlalu pada awal semester ini (awal julai) saya rasakan cukup perlahan berlalu.Saya tidak melakukan apa-apa perkara ilmiah.Saya asyik menonton filem yang ada dalam komputer riba saya dan mengemaskini ruangan facebook saya.

Rakan sebilik pun sekali sekala menegur ” tak ada kelas ek ari ni?” saya biasanya akan membalas dengan gelengan kepala dan berkata ”tak start lagi.Lecturer luar ”. Kami biasanya akan mengundang pensyarah dari universiti lain untuk mengajar kerana kekurangan tenaga pengajar bagi bidang ini.Semester ini bagi kursus masalah penelanan.. ermm Yelah... patologi pertuturan ni bidang yang agak baru.. bila orang bertanya ambil
kos apa dan dijawab dengan patologi pertuturan .. ramai yang kerut dahi.. hehe.. Kelas pada hujung minggu dari jam 9 hingga 5ptg adalah sesuatu yang lumrah bagi kami.
Kelas-kelas lain juga belum bermula pada ketika itu kecuali satu kelas elektif.Kelas AAC kami juga belum bermula kerana kesibukan pensyarah .Begitu juga dengan klinikal.


Hampir dua purnama rasanya saya merasa kebosanan yang melampau..Pada hari ini baru saya terfikir.. mungkinkah ketika itu Allah sedang menguji hambaNya dengan kelapangan.Allah memberi kelapangan pada saya dan melihat adakah saya mampu bersabar dengannya.. Melihat apa tindakan saya untuk mengisi kelapangan tersebut... adakah saya akan ingat firmannya dalam surah Al-‘Asr (Masa).
“Demi masa , sesungguhnya manusia kerugian.Melainkan yang beriman dan yang beramal soleh dan berwasiat dengan kebenaran dan berwasiat dengan kesabaran”

Herm... Saya nak jawab apa nanti bila ditanya? Nyatanya saya tidak menggunakan masa itu dengan sebaiknya.Masa lapang itu seharusnya diisi dengan perkara yang lebih berfaedah..tapi saya??Ya Allah ampunkan dosaku.. Masa yang berlalu mungkin tak dapat saya perbetulkan lagi, tapi masa yang ada sekarang insyaAllah akan saya gunakan.. Wallahu’alam.

percamu

Aku suka menulis
Menulis apa saja yang aku suka
Bicara dengan bahasa yang aku selesa
Berkisah tentang bahgia dan lara
Bercerita tentang derita dan ceria

Kata-kataku bukan sihir
Bukan juga puitis
Hingga kau perlu menangis
Terluka hati terhiris

Kataku cuma kata hatiku
Bukan untuk mengganggumu
Tapi andai luka itu bertamu
Perca kuning ini untukmu..

Punishment

I just come back from playground in desasiswa murni.. Tun, Dayah and I decided to go for some workout… 12 o’cloc in the midnight.. wuhuhuhuu…. Its quite tiring even though I just walk and do a set of star jump .. Maybe because of my size.. hik3…

While sitting and have a good time bersusei with my friends at the playground , something is flashing on my mind..Some sort of childhood memory that make me smile. It was back in the 90’s… I can’t clearly remember but it happens in when I was in primary school. During that time, I still share my bedroom with my elder brother K.Tam and my lil sister , Adik Urul…

I don’t know why , all of us just love to draw…We draw everywhere and everywhere means on the bedroom wall… It was like a giant white paper that u can draw anything on it. At first I was reluctant to do so… but as I saw my sister and brother were so creative and artistic and nothing bad had happen, so I said to myself “Why don’t you try”. So we draw happily with crayon and marker. And I still remember one of the most cool design at that time is Superman’s symbol and someone wrote “Tuti love Umi”.(haha… this one is the most unforgettable design and till now I questioned why on earth is this someone wrote this.) Yeah… It was really fun for kid of our age….. It was our first masterpiece.

But people says beautiful moment won’t last forever.One night , my Mak stand by the door.. I was not sure why she was so kind that night that she wanted to wish us good night. That is quite rare for her to do so. The light was off and the three of us was lying on our bed. I am not sure whether both of my partner in crime feels gelabah or not but I was.I pray in my heart “ medan mak mak me tao (hopefully she will not know)”. She says “selamat malam” and as she closed the door. Fuh… selamat…… No No No… it is not a happy ending story…Mak reopened the door and swithed on the light… Jeng Jeng Jeng…. She discovered our masterpiece!! Oh me Oh my Oh Oh Oh…..

“Wakno eh?? Majeh besuteng julik.. Sai menak eh??!!!”? She raised up her voice… real contrary to the warm loving voice that says good night earlier..haha… At that time , I believe that we were all nervous and frightened.. No one of us admit it.. but my mak knew all of us were involved.. She always knew everything... She asked all of us to go to the living room and queue up in front of her. Punishment Time!!!

My Mak was angry at that time. She sat on the floor with crayon beside her. Nagging and nagging.We were going to be punished. What will she do?? Herm… well what she did was she called us one by one. K.Tam , the leader of the group was the first one.She asked K.Tam to lie down with his head on her lap. Then, with the crayon we used to draw on the wall, she drew on our face. K.Tam got misai kucing on his face… Adik Urul and I got other design. As my mak drew design on our face , she advice us not to do those thing again. We end up laughing looking at each other face.Then Mak asked us too wash our face and go to sleep.. haha.

When I think back, it is the most funny punishment I have ever received. Hahaha…Makes me miss my home more and more… The consequences of the incident was.. we have our room painted. Yellow this time.. hehe..
*Tuti and Umi were the the hosts of one of the kid’s TV show .. cant remember the title well.

*“Wakno eh?? Majeh besuteng julik.. Sai menak eh??!!!”? -à Apa ni?? Habis semua berconteng.??!!sapa buat ni???

kisah di bilik air~~

Dong dong… kejadian berlaku ketika saya sedang ingin mandi pagi..(xdelah pagi sangat pown)… elok2 je nak mandi, saya tengok shower foam dah nak abes… tinggal yang dah campur air kat dalam tu (ala.. yang selalu kita buat… ambik air sikit pastu goncang2 bekas tu laa… tinggal yang tu je la lagi) esh… ni kena refill ni… so saya pun ambik shower foam yang baru beli… sebelum refill tu saya buang dulu sisa2 yang tinggal kat dalam bekas tu kat lantai.... bukan apa.. tak nak bau dia nanti bercampur baur…

Dalam alam otak saya asyik terfikir… apsal plak aku beli shower foam yogurt ni tadi… eh.. sepatutnya aku tak ikut cakap kakak jurujual tadi .. dahla yogurt… esh…” tapi takpe lah bagus untuk kulit…melembapkan… memutihkan… saya rasionalkan balik tindakan membeli krim mandian itu tadi… yelah .. nak sedapkan ati…

Lepas siap tuang semua sekali masuk dalam bekas… saya dengan hati yang dah disedapkan tadi itu pun masuk ke dalam bilik mandi dan berhajat untuk mandi dengan gembiranya.. dan sememangnya selain daripada TIDO… mandi merupakan aktiviti yang saya gemari…. Elok je melangkah… zappp…. Gue tergelincir… nasib baik satu kaki jer yang tergelincir… dapat imbang badan sekaligus mengelakkan diri dari menjadi mangsa Traumatic Brain Injury…Alhamdulillah selamat…

Ohhh…Saya dengan penuh marahnya melihat ke tempat kejadian.Saya cuba mencari punca insiden tersebut.. Bila tengok kat lantai….erm… apa bendalir putih ni?? Ish.. buat licin lantai je….. siapalah yang tak betanggungjawab ni… Dalam dua saat pertama selepas kejadian tersebut saya merasa amat marah… tp bila diteliti kembali.. rupa-rupanya bendalir putih tersebut ialah sisa-sisa krim mandian yang saya buang sebelum ni untuk memberi peluang kepada krim mandian baru saya( nak balas dendam ke apa ini barang?? )… saya terkedu…

Hermm…Dendam tak dendam tu tak tahulah…tu kena tanya kat shower foam tu sendiri.. kan… tapi apa yang saya nak katakan di sini ialah kita selalu marah kalau tu kesalahan orang lain tapi bila kita sendiri buat… senyap pulak kita ye… Contohnya.. kalau org lain yang tuang sabun tu kat lantai.. mesti saya akan marah dan membebel sampai esok lusa tulat selian dan hari2 seterusnya...tapi ni sebab saya sendiri yang buat... saya ilek jer... buat bodo..herm... selalu je macam ni... ish3...

tq adik urul & izzati...

wuhuuu!!! finally i have my own blog... hehe oit.?? what is so great about having a blog... nadaaa.... only bloggers know.. hik3.. for me.. it's to polish my language skill...yeah.. since i'll become a speech language pathologist soon... huhuhu.. So , it's better to get my language skill upgraded...
huk2.. thanx to adik urul and izzati who suggest to me that i should have my very own blog.. tq.