decided to write

yeah.. its new year..2010.. and here i am.. writing..(typing) tapping on the keyboard..

2009.. let's talk about the past 2009 that just left about an hour ago.. 2009.. a lot of stuff happened in my life... i turn 21 in 2009.. i learn a lot... i get some stuff , i get to know new persons .. despite all this thing I think that it was a tough year... the most tough year ..

In March... I lost the one I love.. my Ipo Yam.. she's gone.. what a sad time ... but it is all God's will..our time together just end there.. alhamdulillah i have that chane to take care of her during she's ill.. that is one of the lesson i learn in 2009.. learn to accept when your loved one is no longer around.. Our family become stronger.. I will try to be a good daughter for my parents cos i know someday one of us will go first.. I don't want to live with regrets for not giving all your love to someone you love when there are still alive.. I still remember that I always wanted to buy her a scarf for her in kelantan.. but i always forgot about it.. Oh.. herm.... I miss her..

In June , I was separated from my family .. all alone in Kota Kinabalu for my practical..luckily k.wandy was there..living with all strangers.. one house.. three rooms.. one room for the landlord, my room.. me .. all alone.. the third room + living room that was crowded by a bunch of guys ( 8 guys I guess).hoho... there I learned 2 things.. first i learn how family and friends are important, 2nd .. that money is not everything but we better have it instead of having nothing.. During the holiday before the pratical , in November 2008 , i remembered my conversation with my mom in a cafe... I said that I wish I can join any University programme during holiday . but somehow.. maybe the way i said it hurts my mom.. as if "i don't like being at home or i wish i have more time in university".. then i guess Allah just makes my wish come true.. there you go Ain.. go to Sabah .. All alone.. during your Holiday.. hoho... like..i said to myself.. padan muka.. heaah..

July, August, September , October & a bit of November ....
i got a great crisis within my self .. There is a war going inside.. I almost lost my self... dead.. torchuring my mind, body and soul.. maybe this is because of the 21 years old thing... i just goes ding dong.. dissappointed with myself in my academic part , Lost faith with my self and some other people.. dying .. it was the most horrible terux period in 2009.. so kusut masai ... kesian my rumet.. have to face 'that' me... and also my friends... Alhamdulillah.. Allah shows me the way back.. and i am back.. i hope i will be a better person.. no more the july august september october & a bit of november 2009 nur ain othman... so gud bye.. I love Allah , Rasulullah , my family , my teachers , my friends..

perut yang bingung

sometimes i just feel something is disturbing. hoo.. i hardly express it. that something just stuck in my belly.. the words - they seems going to my perut instead of my mouth. oh my my... how hard for me to just say anything i would love to say.... hooh..~~

i have a dream..
that i will finish my thesis
and pass with flying colours
and graduated from usm
everything will start over new
the work phase..hoho
owh... what a wonderful dream it is
and i am still dreaming now..
haha.. i know i am progressing.. but slow and steady .. yeah!!
tarik nafas.. hembus tarik nafas hembus tarik nafas hembus... breathe baby breathe..

words you said

Wake up babe
The words they say were nothing
Don’t let it ruins your day
Those words will not hurt you
No… believe me..
You will be fine..
Words they say are based on their thought
Just lies on the way they think
It is not always right..
If it is right so learn how to accept it without getting your self cut
If it is wrong then just let it pass
Words they say, they hardly remember
How irresponsible they are of their words
And you yourself
Please don’t be like them
Think before you say your words
You might not love to hurt people in any way

grrrr.....

This is just something weird about my self and it is kind of freaking me out lately. It always happens that if I said to my self that I will not be a ………….. (any negative attitude on earth) .. person.I turn out to be one. For example, I tell my self not to be judgmental person and BAM!!! there I am judging another people passing by me. Hoh.. This is horrible and terrifying for me. What makes it worse is that the fact that I did not realize that I become one. I did not know when does it started to develop within me and that makes it hard for me to stop it.hoo…

There are a lot of things that I prefer not to be (e.g ungrateful child, annoying person , greedy etc) and the fact that this thing is happening to me makes me worry about how will things turn out in the future… or should I just make a reverse mechanism for this like instead of saying “I will not be a …….. (negative attitude) person” to “I am not going be …….. (any positive attitude on earth)” so that I develop the positive attitude without noticing it.erm.. Can it be?? Can this solve my little dilemma here?? Erm… lu pikirla sendiri!!! hoho

dolnat

walalalala... ok.. Im back!! Kelantan darul Naim.. herm.. The semester is not yet started but I come back here two weeks earlier to accomplish my unfinished work... My final year project. hoho... I really enjoyed my holiday . Before the holiday started the other day , I set up my mind that I will not do any of my academic activity at home.I want to spend my whole time with my family and me, doing the house chores.. lala... I like it . =)

these are some of the things i did..

1. laundry
2. cooking
3. tutoring Mr. apan.. he will be sitting for his SPM next year..
4. Watching Friends series with Urul
5. Learn on how to bake Kek Lapis Sarawak from Mak
6. Gardening ??
7. going on trip with my family - balik kampung saai , sarikei ,
8. Attending Seminar on Protecting Children in Cyberspace.

Nothing sounds interesting but everything is.. lalala... i really love to be with my family member... My mak and abu yah always cook special dishes when we (Apan, Urul, kak Tam) are at home because we are rarely there. Everyone of us are far apart from our house and of each other. Kak Tam is in UUM , Kedah , Urul is in UTP Perak , Me in USM Kelantan and the youngest , Apan is in MRSM Betong. We just have the chance to get to see each other during holiday. So our two beloved chef will cook extra delicious foods.nyum2..I can say that our favourite menu are laksa sarawak and chicken soup(my choice).Yummy... Plus Anjang Ara's ( my aunt) home-made doughnut. It is usually pronounced as Dolnat among elderly.hehe.. laughing with Urul about it. that's it.. dolnat.